BE YER OWN GOD 2K2...

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Da god-squad keep stoppin' U on da streetz 'n askin' U 2 go 2 church...
...They juss won't ever snap outta it 'n tune inta da 'REAL WERLD'.






SOLUTION: Spay mace inta they eyez, noze, 'n mouth; dat's exactly what it's made fer...






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[misterogyny]

PROBLEM: Da god-squad keep stoppin' U on da streetz 'n askin' U 2 go 2 church...
...They juss won't ever snap outta it 'n tune inta da 'REAL WERLD'.






SOLUTION: Spay mace inta they eyez, noze, 'n mouth; dat's exactly what it's made fer...






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

hehe... great advice... I'm looking forward to more of this... =)

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: It's Fridaynite, 'n ALL da mutha-fuckaz have parked their carz in yer driveway; makin' it impossible 2 move yer car in/out of yer garage...






SOLUTION: Shank 2 tirez on each car; 1 tire in da front, 1 tire in da back diagonally from each other...
...Fer example; if U shanked da front left-side tire, then U should shank da back right-side tire raight after dat.
Do da same shit 2 all da remainin' carz parked in yer driveway 'n also 2 any carz parked nearby...
...Next, call da po-lice 2 have 'em all towed away.
Overnite, da axlez on da car(z) will suffer damage even if da car(z) were not moved...
...When finally moved, all da axlez, linkz, chassis, 'n suspension underneath will git ALL-FUCKED-UP.
Plus, most flat tirez R deemed UNREPAIRABLE if they were shanked from da side near da rim 'n thuz da whole tire would have 2 be replaced...






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U hadn't shit fer DAYZ...
...Yer not 2002% SHURE whether if it's constipation or if U've got pancreaz cancer.






SOLUTION: Proceed wit OT's shit-a-thon fermula...
...Mix half a glass of boilin' hot water wit half a glass of ice-cold water.
Then add in a spoonful of fine olive oil...
...Guzzle da whole damn mixture down in 1 breath, 'n U will shit like an ASSHOLE!!!






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[.[db].]

PROBLEM: U hadn't shit fer DAYZ...
...Yer not 2002% SHURE whether if it's constipation or if U've got pancreaz cancer.






SOLUTION: Proceed wit OT's shit-a-thon fermula...
...Mix half a glass of boilin' hot water wit half a glass of ice-cold water.
Then add in a spoonful of fine olive oil...
...Guzzle da whole damn mixture down in 1 breath, 'n U will shit like an ASSHOLE!!!






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

herk,herk

are these real time thigns youve done otomo or jus things you'd like to do ? and hmm .. you should do one about school :B because it sucks.. ;\ :sweat

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U R approached on da street by da same beggar everyday on yer way 2/from werk/skool...
...He stinkz like SHIT 'n got a real loathesome additude problem.






SOLUTION: Git a stun-gun (registration not required in most statez) dat haz an excess output of at least 500,000 voltz...
...Wait til da street iz quiet, then walk up 'n offer da beggar a coin in 1 hand while U ready da concealed stun-gun wit yer other hand.
When he movez in close 2 snatch da coin, let him have da coin; 'n then when he sayz "Thank U", quickly give him a SHOCKIN' SUPRIZE wit yer stun-gun...
...Move over 2 hiz downed body 'n say "Yer welcum!!!", then shock him some more.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[misterogyny]

PROBLEM: U R approached on da street by da same beggar everyday on yer way 2/from werk/skool...
...He stinkz like SHIT 'n got a real loathesome additude problem.






SOLUTION: Git a stun-gun (registration not required in most statez) dat haz an excess output of at least 500,000 voltz...
...Wait til da street iz quiet, then walk up 'n offer da beggar a coin in 1 hand while U ready da concealed stun-gun wit yer other hand.
When he movez in close 2 snatch da coin, let him have da coin; 'n then when he sayz "Thank U", quickly give him a SHOCKIN' SUPRIZE wit yer stun-gun...
...Move over 2 hiz downed body 'n say "Yer welcum!!!", then shock him some more.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

hehehehe... I'm loving all of this!!!

[.[db].]

i usually offer them a overly shaken soda , or jus thro rocks at them .. lol .. to many homeless people in houston :sweat


more words of the great ot :supergrin

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Late-nite auto-racin' recently haz becum stagnant since U live in a rather quiet, desolate part of deer country...
...U 'n yer niggitz R all desperately seekin' fer a nu thrill.






SOLUTION: Upgrade yer over-tuned carz wit heavy-duty bumper-guardz, 'n steel reinforcement barz...
...Charge down da quiet roadz at nite 'n try 2 run over any deerz, stray catz, dogz, critterz, illegal alienz, 'n other skirmishez.
Engage in a contest wit yer niggitz 'n try 2 score as many run-overz as ya can in 1 nite...
...Lozer buyz da beer.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[EvilNeil]

BOL. These are superb.

[.[db].]

so those bodies i saw on the side of thr road in cali were from you ?!

[TODE]

This is the best thread ever.

[Frietstof]

OOOOOOoooh Otomo it tastes sooooo gooooood! :rolleyes


http://playdad.com/tpnew/gallery/bjob005.jpg

[TheGame]

Is that a pic of you Frietsy?

[Sakadik]

It's to bad I can't see it .

[Frietstof]

Fuck. People are still posting in this topic :|

[TODE]

Hey, I'd like to be able reach my own.... oh wait that's someone else's cock. :dead

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U wanna know what da best-tastin' food in da werld iz, but don't know how 2 find it...






SOLUTION: ...Don't eat fer like a whole week, 'n then eat yer least fevorite/most hated dish.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[ObiJay]

Fuck. People are still posting in this topic :|

Takes more than gay pr0n to stop the gay

[Kadosho]

Stop tha gay!
(screamin mad i tell ya)! :bigtran

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Everywhere U go, U keep ceein' GAYZ...






SOLUTION: ...Try 2 C STRAIGHT.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[TODE]

PROBLEM: Everywhere U go, U keep ceein' GAYZ...






SOLUTION: ...Try 2 C STRAIGHT.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gifThis one's my favorite.

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

i gotta right these down!

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U can't afferd dat brand-nu Honda Civic dis year...






SOLUTION: Go fer last year's NSX...
...It may be used; but it's still a Honda.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: An incestouz brother 'n sister couple dat U know wantz 2 borrow da privacy of yer house/apartment fer S s e x X...






SOLUTION: ...Agree 2 let 'em use yer home, but invite their parentz over juss befer they "cum".






Stay tune fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

that was probably the funniest one yet

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Despite gittin' spooked by all da ghost reportz from Disneyland, yer lil' sister still wantz 2 go...






SOLUTION: ...Bend her legz back 'n fuck her up da ass 'til she can't possibly "go" anymore.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

see, OT, there is another problem here, what if i don't want to fuck my sister up the ass? i consider it is wrong, i hate my sister, and that kinda stuff should only be in manga/hentai/porn where it belongs.

[TODE]

PROBLEM: Despite gittin' spooked by all da ghost reportz from Disneyland, yer lil' sister still wantz 2 go...






SOLUTION: ...Bend her legz back 'n fuck her up da ass 'til she can't possibly "go" anymore.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gifWrong. Horrible. Hilarious.

[EvilNeil]

Wrong. Horrible. Hilarious.
The essence of Otomo. :D

[.[db].]

Wrong. Horrible. Hilarious.
The essence of Otomo. :D
indeed. tha funniest :D

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U hate yer college proffessor/instructor's GUTZ...
...Da stoopid-old-fart doezn't make ANY sense at all, 'n U don't know WHAT-DA-FUCK he's all talkin' about in class everyday.
By da end of mid-term, he gladly handz U an F...
...There had been NO warning 'n NO compromize.






SOLUTION: Near finalz week, some ASS-KISSIN' NERD MUTHA-FUCKAZ who didn't already study hard enuff at home R bound ask da proffessor/instructor way-2-many questionz...
...When da lecture iz almost over, wait fer 'em all 2 flock up anxiouzly 2 hiz desk ( juss like how they almost alwayz do ) wit they bookz, paperz, 'n notez; then U do da same by walkin' up calmly wit YER own bookz, paperz, 'n notez.
...Try 2 look like yer waitin' yer turn, 'n have some questionz from da book 2 ask; but don't try 2 make it look 2 obviouz as U gradually creep closer 'n closer 2 hiz desk.
...Under da thick o' thingz, spike hiz coffee wit STRYCHNINE.
After yer done askin' yer questionz, go ahead 'n return 2 yer seat like normal...
...There will be NO warning 'n NO compromize.






Stay tuned fer more... :shy

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

now i can finally put a stop to my math teacher

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Companiez like Columbia House 'n BMG keep sendin' U da WRONG KINDA muzik; eventho ya never ordered any...
...1 month, it's Patsy Cline 'n then suddenly it's Paul Anka da next.
Da pattern juss keepz gittin' from sorry, 2 lame, 2 tired, 2 werse...






SOLUTION: SMASH in da CDz 'n send 'em raight back...
...As most of their policiez go; they can't charge U anythin' as long as U send 'em back unopened, so practice yer punchez onnit.
Typically, they alwayz send 'em 2 ya in theze thin, cheap-lookin' cardboard mailerz dat don't offer any real protection fer da contentz inside...
...Don't even open 'em; after yer 2002% SHURE da CD 'n case inside iz caved-in, juss simply flatten it out, write "RETURN 2 SENDER" onnit, 'n slam it back inta da mailbox HARD.
THEY pay fer da return postage, so U won't even have 2 waste a stamp...
...WHO-DA-FUCK knowz who or what could've smashed it all up on it's trip from Tennessee 2 Kansaz??!!!






Stay tuned fer more... :shy

[misterogyny]

PROBLEM: Companiez like Columbia House 'n BMG keep sendin' U da WRONG KINDA muzik; eventho ya never ordered any...
...1 month, it's Patsy Cline 'n then suddenly it's Paul Anka da next.
Da pattern juss keepz gittin' from sorry, 2 lame, 2 tired, 2 werse...






SOLUTION: SMASH in da CDz 'n send 'em raight back...
...As most of their policiez go; they can't charge U anythin' as long as U send 'em back unopened, so practice yer punchez onnit.
Typically, they alwayz send 'em 2 ya in theze thin, cheap-lookin' cardboard mailerz dat don't offer any real protection fer da contentz inside...
...Don't even open 'em; after yer 2002% SHURE da CD 'n case inside iz caved-in, juss simply flatten it out, write "RETURN 2 SENDER" onnit, 'n slam it back inta da mailbox HARD.
THEY pay fer da return postage, so U won't even have 2 waste a stamp...
...WHO-DA-FUCK knowz who or what could've smashed it all up on it's trip from Tennessee 2 Kansaz??!!!






Stay tuned fer more... :shy

HAHAH OMG THAT RULES. hehe...

good shit OT!

[.[db].]

PROBLEM: Companiez like Columbia House 'n BMG keep sendin' U da WRONG KINDA muzik; eventho ya never ordered any...
...1 month, it's Patsy Cline 'n then suddenly it's Paul Anka da next.
Da pattern juss keepz gittin' from sorry, 2 lame, 2 tired, 2 werse...






SOLUTION: SMASH in da CDz 'n send 'em raight back...
...As most of their policiez go; they can't charge U anythin' as long as U send 'em back unopened, so practice yer punchez onnit.
Typically, they alwayz send 'em 2 ya in theze thin, cheap-lookin' cardboard mailerz dat don't offer any real protection fer da contentz inside...
...Don't even open 'em; after yer 2002% SHURE da CD 'n case inside iz caved-in, juss simply flatten it out, write "RETURN 2 SENDER" onnit, 'n slam it back inta da mailbox HARD.
THEY pay fer da return postage, so U won't even have 2 waste a stamp...
...WHO-DA-FUCK knowz who or what could've smashed it all up on it's trip from Tennessee 2 Kansaz??!!!






Stay tuned fer more... :shy

HAHAH OMG THAT RULES. hehe...

good shit OT!

exactly.. since i order some static x n mushroomhead and i get some crappy shit like nas and "dr dre's lube secrets" im like WTF is this shit ... :sweat

[Kadosho]

From OT's previous short post.
Id rather take the incestous sister and take the key to the house.
And well just guess. :bigtran

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

From OT's previous short post.
Id rather take the incestous sister and take the key to the house.
And well just guess. :bigtran

now wait, hold on, this needs a better explaination and in making of sense too.......cause if you just said what i think you just said......... :rolleyes

[Kadosho]

Heheh you're right :supergrin

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

*GASPOLA*

i will always look at you with the green :shy from now on.

[Kadosho]

:supergrin
^^:

[TODE]

I'm beginning to see what Neil and others have said about the two of you...

[.[db].]

its begining to look a lot like christmas ????

yeargh ... hehe i jus hate it when you walk down the street n eeveryone stares at you like your, ...."SATAN" -mike

[TODE]

Could one of the mods here edit out the blow-job pic? I'd like to link this one out to people. :shy

Or, OT, could I repost some of these in a thread at Fighters.Net? :D I'll give you credit of course.

The World Must Read This.

[Frietstof]

Please don't let me post another cocksuck picture, TODE.

[TODE]

Why do you want to ruin the thread anyway?

[Frietstof]

It's a visual interpretation of what you and some other people are doing :rolleyes:.

[TODE]

It's a visual interpretation of what you and some other people are doing :rolleyes:.Forgive us for giving compliments... I wouldn't post it if I didn't mean it.

It's not like I would have anything to gain in blindly praising a person like OT.

[Frietstof]

Noooooo, of course you wouldn't *cough!freegames!cough!*

[TODE]

Noooooo, of course you wouldn't *cough!freegames!cough!*You may recall that I do not even have a DC. :D

[TODE]

And for what it's worth, I only gained a mild interest recently in pirate-ware when OT offered it up in my auction thread.

[.[db].]

Noooooo, of course you wouldn't *cough!freegames!cough!*You may recall that I do not even have a DC. :D

thats not even the reason why i like OT, sure he's helped a lot of people out but he's also a really funny and great guy and a good helper :D

[TODE]

."]Noooooo, of course you wouldn't *cough!freegames!cough!*You may recall that I do not even have a DC. :D

thats not even the reason why i like OT, sure he's helped a lot of people out but he's also a really funny and great guy and a good helper :DYes, exactly.

[Skullening]

Frietstof has just always had a problem with OT.. A jealousy issue I assume.. I like OT cuz he's a nice guy and the Shitmaster Saga was brilliant.. Simple as that..

[.[db].]

heh, when i think of ot i dont even think of the games i think about the funny things like "w-w-w-whers da p-p-p-penis p-p-pumps at!!!!!!!!" or tha crazy "s-s-s-s-s-s-shit s-s-s-sex???!?!?!?!?!?!?!? "

[TODE]

Yes to both of you. He has forever changed the way I see yellow sports cars.

[Alicia]

I never really understood OT at first even before I started posting so I was like "what the fuck? I don't get it", but he goes out of his way to be nice, and now I see all the humor in his shit so it's all good. YEAARGHH!!

*sprays beggards in the face with mace again*

[Frietstof]

I don't really get it. Yes Otomo is a great, funny guy, but then again: So is Neil, and so are a lot of people here. Why is it that after every Otomo post, a few Niggitz have to praise him to heaven and call him the greatest thing since sliced bread? "AHahahah Neil said something funny, other people MUST know this". Sounds strange, no? So you see where I'm comming from?

*edit* Forgot to put "it" after "get" :|

[.[db].]

niggits attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont see whats really wrong with it , everyone jus looks up to the guy, i mean common, anyone who would have their own business id look up to,i look up to anyone that has more skill n hook ups than me ... its jus the way people are and everything .. i dont see anything wrong going on here ..

[Frietstof]

Then I don't see anything wrong with posting a cocksucker and thinking that you are one :D

[Otomo Tenzi]

( All confuzed 'n everythin'. )






...W-W-W-W-What's goin' on inhere??!!! :shy

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

someone put da watch on you......

[Otomo Tenzi]

someone put da watch on you......






...W-W-W-W-What fer??!!! :shy



W-W-W-W-What wrong have I done DIS TIME??!!!



I wazn't even talkin' about nobody in dis here thread...

[.[db].]

someone put da watch on you......he means frietstof, and if he doesnt then i mean him... otomo has done nothing wrong but make some cool posts on how to handle things the otomoway, therei funny and catchy... wo whats the mater with that?

[ObiJay]

<<This thread has been branded GAY! Please, Stop the Gay (http://theshortbus.addr.com/stg.html)

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Yer street iz particularly quiet in da dead of da nite...
...Recently, a whole slew of noizy motorcycle-faggitz keep passin' thru yer street 'n wakin everybody up at 'round da same exact hour everynite.






SOLUTION: 1 hour befer they pass thru yer street on their usual nitely schedule, creep outside 'n tie a fine fishin' line diagonally across da road from 2 postz/treez, 1 on each side of da road...
...Make 2002% SHURE dat da fishin' line iz firmly tied DIAGONALLY across da road or da trick maight not werk correctly.
Use proper judgement 'n set da height of yer fishin' line at generally 'round between da chest or head-level ('bout 50 inchez) of da bikerz...
...Then creep back inta yer home, turn out all da litez 'n pray dat they don't C da fishin' line as U wait paitently fer 'em 2 roar by wit their bikez.
As all them motorcyle-faggitz ride by, da fishin' line should snag under they neckz if yer judgement waz raight...
...As they drag it ferward, it would not snap immediately since it waz tied diagonally across da street.
Therefer, it should systematically slide across their neckz 'n juss C-C-C-C-CUT 'em...






Stay tuned fer more... :shy

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

that has been the most useful post yet.

<buys fishing wire>

[TODE]

...W-W-W-W-What fer??!!! :shy



W-W-W-W-What wrong have I done DIS TIME??!!!



I wazn't even talkin' about nobody in dis here thread...Freistof doesn't like the fact that people like to complement you. He thinks we mean to suck your dick.

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Da NAMBLA niggaz R after U...
...They wanna force U 2 have sexual relationshipz wit beautiful young boyz.
By now, U really don't know fer shure whether yer crazy, pedo-curiouz, or juss plain GAY...






SOLUTION: Discoverin' more 'bout da truth of yer own sexuality iz 'bout as EZ as SHIT-SEX...
...Therefer, dat's why answerin' theze questionz 'bout yerself BY YERSELF should be noone else's buziness.
Find really old photoz of yerself when U were little 'n stare at them intently...
...Do U think dat U looked somewhat beautiful yerself back then??!!!
In da scorchin' heat of summer, wear wrap-around shadez 'n go 2 da parkz, playgroundz, amuzementz, 'n placez where young boyz R known 2 play.
...Find da boyz who R wearin' skimpy-short shortz, 'n stare at their bare legz from outta da corner of yer eye.
Do dis until yer eyez hurt or when yer cover gitz blown...
...Did U git a testosterone-attack??!!! ...Did yer dick git HARD??!!!
Finally, mix tasty fruit juice wit vodka, whiskey, tequila or any other variouz kindz of particularly strong, hard liqour inta a cocktail...
...Pour da mixture inta several paper cupz, drop in a wooden dip-stick inta each cupful, 'freeze 'em in da freezer 2 make some delicouz icy-cold popsiclez.
Invite yer 10-year old cousin over, 'n offer him them popsiclez...
...Watch him closely as he lickz 'n slurpz them up.
While he enjoyin' them, pretend dat he's actually suckin' on yer STIFF-HARD dick; all rigid from boy-watchin'...
...After he gitz ALL-FUCKED-UP from da "booze popz", slip him inta some nice, soft girly clothez.
Help him put on some girly make-up 'n lay him down on yer bed...
...Next, reach fer dat big fat ol' jar of Vaseline.
Oh shit, 'n don't fergit yer DICK-PUMP...
...Throw on some GAY-ASS trance muzik.
Then, let da sick, demented, 'n utterly perverse dark force of OT be yer guidin' lite 'n say: "Herk, herk, herk, herk, herk..."






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[EvilNeil]

I just have to respond to that ... but I really have no idea what to say.

[misterogyny]

O. M. F. G..

that was the greatest thing in the thread. (OT's last problem/solution shiznit)...

Seriously.

[TODE]

I think OT just broke 2002 laws (legal, spiritual, moral) with that last one. 0_o

But I suppose we could just count this as "SHITMASTER: BEHIND THE BOYLOVE". :bigtran

[Otomo Tenzi]

I just have to respond to that ... but I really have no idea what to say.






Neil, I don't think U should even try 2 think 2 hard... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif



...S-S-S-S-Stressez da brain, ya know.

[Punchinello]

LMAO


He's got PROTIPS for boy love.....


Kinda scary :/

[Otomo Tenzi]

Punch, try 2 make some "booze popz" fer da lil' kidz in yer 'hood... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif



...D-D-D-D-Dat's an order!!!

[Punchinello]

There are much better uses for booze out there. Much more legal ones as well XD

[Otomo Tenzi]

F-F-F-F-Fer taste, spike yer gin-flavored booze popz wit chopped mint leavez 'n salt... :supergrin



...Herk, nevermind!!!

[TODE]

OT, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you are One Fucked-Up SOB. And the funniest damned thing on the Internet right now. I nearly woke up my roommate, herk.

[TODE]

I've re-read this thread. It's interesting how the advice ranges goes from Consumer Reports to Little Boy Blue.

[Fishmonkey]

Reading the pedophile one made me cringe in horror. I am now absolutely convinced that Otomo is not merely pretending to be one. :bigtran

[.[db].]

ot you should do one aboutthe evil kids at the arcade who dont want to let you play!

[Otomo Tenzi]

I nearly woke up my roommate, herk.






G-G-G-G-Good then... :supergrin



...Tell him what OT's been teachin' ya, 'n he'll prolly have 2 stay up ALL NITE in fear!!!

Herk, herk, herk...

[TODE]

...Tell him what OT's been teachin' ya, 'n he'll prolly have 2 stay up ALL NITE in fear!!!

Herk, herk, herk...He'll never look at the neighborhood kids the same, that's for sure.

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Coke iz a popular soda dat we all know 'n luv...
...Back in da good ol' dayz, da Coca-Cola company actually used COCAINE in their already fast-sellin' soda in order 2 keep da consumerz HOOKED; hence da name "Coke"...
...Well, whether it waz da unique taste or da clever advertizin'; Coke had alwayz been a super competitor in da soda market.
Rumor haz it, dat cocaine iz still inside every can of Coke out there; but most of da general population juss doezn't know 2 discover it...






SOLUTION: Take an ICE-COLD can of Coke outta da fridge, 'n shake it HARD...
...Then IMMEDIATELY open it up 'n guzzle da WHOLE ENTIRE can down in 1 single gulp; ABSOLUTELY DO NOT EVER stop 2 breathe, burp, or fart.
U have 30 secondz 2 do dis...
...Nuthin' beatz da REAL THING, raight??!!!






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[nyarlathotep]

*reads previous advice*
does this work on little girls too, or are they more likely to taste the alcohol and not eat the popsicle?
hypothetically, of course.

[Otomo Tenzi]

*reads previous advice*
does this work on little girls too, or are they more likely to taste the alcohol and not eat the popsicle?
hypothetically, of course.






Herk, da pharoah haz a point there 'n he could also be onta s-s-s-s-somethin'... :supergrin



...Niggitz, put DA WATCH on him!!!

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

da watch is on
http://www.highervoltage.net/mb/files/9_1020032524.jpg

[Otomo Tenzi]

da watch is on
http://www.highervoltage.net/mb/files/9_1020032524.jpg






...HOLY SHIT!!! :supergrin

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

D-D-D-D-DATS RIGHT

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U can't afferd a Skyline...






SOLUTION: ...Git a used Acura Legend GS coupe 'n try 2 convert it.
Both carz have a very similiar body stylin'; so a conversion should be quite possible...
...Da Legend already cumz included wit 230 stock horsepower, 'n iz convienently avalible in both auto or manual tranz.
Turboz R prolly not ideal fer dis type of conversion, but a supercharger maight be OK...
Along wit hi-performance mufflerz, intakez, filterz, camshaftz, 'n da sometimez mandatory intercoolerz fer optimum horsepower 'n engine noize...
...Good luck wit findin' da tailitez 'n dat GTR wing!!!
Consult yer local mechanicz 'n auto body customizerz regardin' da overall costz, available partz, 'n engine modification requirementz befer startin' da conversion project...






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Da neighborhood garbagemen R actin' like a buncha BIG-TIME FUCK-UPZ theze dayz...
...Every mornin', they juss barge in rudely 'n make a great, big, filthy mess on da floor of da garage/basement area in yer apartment/condo/complex 'n they don't ever clean it up.
In fact, they're so LOUZY dat they don't even bother 2 close da garbage door when they leave...
...U've prolly reported it 2 their agency NUMEROUZ timez already; but all them MUTHA-FUCKAZ over there won't give a FUCK or do a SHIT.
As a responzible building manager/lanlord, U R bein' directly affected by dis becuz dat meanz xtra clean-up werk fer U 2 do everynite when U cum home...






SOLUTION: Everynite when them garbage canz becum all fully loaded wit shit, git a hoze 'n fill each can 'bout half-full 'o water...
...Let's assume dat ya use thoze 30-40 gallon garbage canz ( metal or plastic ) now.
Overnite, all dat garbage inside da canz'll absorb da water 'n almost DOUBLE in weight...
...What waz suppozed 2 be like 40 gallonz or so would feel alot more like 80 gallonz; dat's almost like pushin' 640 lbz werth 'o shit out 2 da street.
A difference iz still a difference; juss try pushin' it yerself if ya don't believe it...
...Smart-aleck garbagemen who like 2 show off thier gay musclez by pushin' 2 or more canz at da same time R gonna be in fer a nice, "WATERED-DOWN" treat.
Stuffin' HELLA fibrouz garbage materialz such as old newzpaperz, old magazinez, cardboard boxez, scrap wood, 'n dirty ragz or clothz inta yer garbage canz iz also highly recommended becuz they would asorb more water than other materialz do...
...Then, juss git up xtra ealry da next mornin' 2 watch da circuz show.
If U liked da resultz, then tell all yer neighborz 2 do da same...






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[TODE]

This is my favourite Internet programme, hands down. <-- posting very British to-night

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: It's 2 damn hot in da summer...






SOLUTION: ...Juss read any of OT's selection of ghost storiez, 'n U should git cold FAST!!!






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[JRG]

Someone really should make a website for all of these tips by Otomo Tenzi.

[nyarlathotep]

i'm waiting for the "otomo tenzi tip-a-day" desk calender.

[Bitoku Kishi]

Originally posted by Otomo Tenzi

Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif
Dear Mr. Tenzi,

Oh my god I loooove your advice column! ^_^ And I, like, have a problem for you to solve? Like, there's this guy Brad who sits behind me in Biology class, and he is like sooooo dreamy! But I, like, don't know how to tell him I like him. And besides, I like think he likes this girl Tiffany, who's, like, such a snob! But everybody likes her! So, I like, don't know what to do? And my best friend Kimmi, like, said he's hot too! But I was totally just like all "what-ever!", cause, like, I didn't want her to know I liked him, cause then she might like screw it up if she talks to him, you know? So, like, I was wondering what I could do to make him like me? You give like the best advice, so, I like, know if anyone can help me it's you! Cause you're, like, the coolest of course! ^_^ Hugs n' kisses, tee hee!

- Cindi

[CEO of Dragon Punches]

I counted 17 instances where he used the word "like."

Hilarioussssssssssssssss

[Otomo Tenzi]

...T-T-T-T-Tweak, put DA WATCH on him!!! :supergrin



Herk, herk, herk...

[TODE]

Does OT have any solutions for world politics? :D

[Garou]

Originally posted by Tigard's Own Dr. Evil
Does OT have any solutions for world politics? :D

Kill em all...........JUst Kill em all.....

[TODE]

Er, "all" would include you and me, Garou.:bigtran

[Garou]

Originally posted by Tigard's Own Dr. Evil
Er, "all" would include you and me, Garou.:bigtran

Im no Politician.......

[TODE]

Originally posted by Garou


Im no Politician....... But World Politics affects everyone, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

[Garou]

Originally posted by Tigard's Own Dr. Evil
But World Politics affects everyone, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

Well Ill Let My M4 Talk for me..........

[Kadosho]

(as Garou is still within his current misson,
a few guards unoticeably walk by till...
"heh,ya ready to die?"(grins)
-one guard draws his weapon-
(notices Garou's wep,his mostly prized M4)
(they all run off screamin like lil girls)...

[TODE]

Originally posted by Garou


Well Ill Let My M4 Talk for me.......... I hOpe It CaN taLK BETTEr thaN yoU!

[Garou]

Originally posted by ShadowPizza2k2
(as Garou is still within his current misson,
a few guards unoticeably walk by till...
"heh,ya ready to die?"(grins)
-one guard draws his weapon-
(notices Garou's wep,his mostly prized M4)
(they all run off screamin like lil girls)...

LOL!:supergrin

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U 'n yer friend R obeze...
...Da both of would like 2 git in shape, but R either 2 shy 2 go 2 da gymz or can't afferd expenzive-ass home exercize equipment.






SOLUTION: Do OT's "FAT-KILLERZ"...
...Dis unique exercize is 2002% NATURAL 'n FREE.
NO additional equipment, bookz, or medicine iz required...
...SAFE fer ALL agez, racez, 'n sexez.
ALL ya need iz a nice, clean floor...



...Here's da shit:



1. Lay down flat on yer back.

2. Have yer friend stand near yer head, try 2 git him or her 2 position their feet 'round da area close 2 yer shoulderz.

3. Grab onta yer friend's anklez.

4. By now, da 2 of U should've formed an "L".

5. Now, keep yer legz straight 'n lift both of 'em up 2 a 90-degree angle.

6. Next, have yer friend push yer legz back down as HARD as he or she can wit their handz.

7. Repeat stepz 5 'n 6 over 'n over again, gradually increasin' da speed 'n forcefulness of dis exercize as da both of ya start 2 git da hang of it.

8. U'll werkout yer abz 'n lower-body wit da leg-liftz, while simultaneouzly; yer friend would also be gittin' hiz or her armz 'n chest pumped from pushin' down yer legz everytime.
As wit most excercizes involvin' repetitionz, try 2 count together as yer werkin' out so dat ya don't loze count on how many repz U've done; countin' together also helpz 2 keep da rythm smoother.

9. After doin' 25-50 repz, switch positionz wit each other 'n then repeat.






Stay tuned fer more... http://event.bb.prodigy.net/sm-shy.gif

[Punchinello]

Sounds... gay :D

[DarkPriest]

It makes me think of Gun-Jack's ending in Tekken Tag when him and Jack-2 are holding onto each other and doing that thing where one of em is upside down while the other is rigth side up and they keep like uhhhh rolling if you will.:supergrin

[TODE]

OTOMO TENZI, where do you get these ideas?

[DarkPriest]

Originally posted by Tigard's Own Dr. Evil
Where do you get these ideas?



They come to me in visions I guess.:shy

[TheGame]

Originally posted by Punchinello
Sounds... gay :D


that may sound gay but it is a very good exercise to tone your abs.

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: U can't git ahold 'o any firewerkz fer dis 4th 'o July either becuz yer state haz banned it or dat U juss can't afferd it...






SOLUTION: Fire yer gun(z) in da air at nite juss as da sound 'o other people's firewerkz R goin' off...
...They won't hardly be able able 2 tell da difference.
U can waste whole boxez of old 'n useless ammo dis way...
...NO firewerkz show can beat da sheer thrill 'o breakin' da law.





Stay tuned fer more... :s2hy:

[TODE]

It's just amazing how the best answers are just right under yer nose.

[Mags]

Originally posted by Otomo Tenzi
PROBLEM: U can't git ahold 'o any firewerkz fer dis 4th 'o July either becuz yer state haz banned it or dat U juss can't afferd it...






SOLUTION: Fire yer gun(z) in da air at nite juss as da sound 'o other people's firewerkz R goin' off...
...They won't hardly be able able 2 tell da difference.
U can waste whole boxez of old 'n useless ammo dis way...
...NO firewerkz show can beat da sheer thrill 'o breakin' da law.





Stay tuned fer more... :s2hy:

LOLOL I would've never thought of that. Thanks OT! Now if I could only find a gun...:supergrin

[Otomo Tenzi]

Originally posted by GenocideS3


LOLOL I would've never thought of that. Thanks OT! Now if I could only find a gun...:supergrin






...A-A-A-A-And don't fergit them BULLETZ!!! :s2hy:

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Yer lozin' hair...
...Thingz like hatz 'n wigz don't quite look raight on U.
All da hair implant/restoration centerz in yer local area R 2 damn expenzive 2.






SOLUTION: Git a MO-HAWK...
...If U happen 2 be lozin' hair in da middle; then either git a twin mo-hawk or juss shave BALD.
U can look young 'n hip witout DEHUMANIZIN' yer wallet...
...Bald ladiez R considered EVEN SEXIER cuz it showz more 'o their natural facial featurez.
Herk, herk, herk...






Stay tuned fer more... :s2hy:

[Garou]

*Tekken 3 announcer*

OTOMO TENZI WINS!!!!

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Da evil kidz at da arcade R messin' wit ya/won't let U play...
...1 'o da kidz R perticularly nasty 'n have da bad habit 'o hittin' yer TAUNT button whenever yer playin' fightin' gamez.






SOLUTION: Act kool 'n make like it's nuthin' 2 U...
...Be nice 'n try 2 make friendz wit them on dat day.
Even go ahead 'n let 'em play...
...Next time U C 'em at da arcade, act kool again juss like how U did last time.
Remain nice at all timez; but don't act 2 overly nice, or U'll git yer cover blown.
...While they're buzy playin', approah 'em from da back wit a BIG soder cup filled wit a flammable liquid.
Don't drink it, but pretend dat U R drinkin' it as U watch them play while hangin' back...
...Wait til' there R lotz 'o noizy people gatherin' 'round, or when U C a big commotion goin' on as da crowd in da arcade growz rowdy.
Quietly pour da flammable liquid on da floor behind da evil kidz, 'n juss lite 'em up.



--Taken from Otomo Tenzi's Secret Book 'o Ninja Artz

[Mike]

Originally posted by Otomo Tenzi

--Taken from Otomo Tenzi's Secret Book 'o Ninja Artz


I WANT THIS BOOK.

[Blaze]

I think I've just gained 3 levels.

After reading the pedo one, I think woke the whole house up - at 4:30 am! I'm still in tears.

And someone better archive this.

[EvilNeil]

Ar ... chive?

[Blaze]

Well back it up n' chapterize it like they did with the sh!tmaster series. It's an old post, but it's gold.

[Otomo Tenzi]

Herk, letz see if I've still got it... :shy2:



PROBLEM: Da birdz keep shittin' on yer car...
...Ya keep havin' to scrub it off every mornin' only to find yet ANOTHER pile 'o birdshit on top 'o yer car da very next day...



SOLUTION: Go to da hardware store 'n purchaze a bottle 'o drain cleaner...
...Then go to da pet supply store 'n purchaze a bag 'o birdfeed.
In a glass container, mix da birdfeed together wit a small amount 'o drain cleaner...
...Allow da birdfeed to completely dry out.
DO NOT touch da birdfeed wit yer bare handz...
...Da next day, take da "treated" birdfeed outside 'n sprinkle it all ovar yer driveway, preferably underneath some treez 'n bushez where birdz R known to hang out.
When da birdz eat dat stuff 'n digest it, it'll DISSOLVE their stomachez 'n make 'em die a slow, painful death...

[Sol Badguy Z: Slash]

Well worth the bump. :smalltran

I will use this information wisely.

[Chuki]

Best bump ever.

I still shit myself laughing everytime I read the advice you give about fucking a little boy. It's just so damn wrong and funny at the same time.

[Nezumiiro]

I seem to recall in some news story or other that some pissed off dude actually did light some punk up in an arcade.

[Otomo Tenzi]

PROBLEM: Low sperm count...



SOLUTION: ...Juss follow da intructionz below, 'n U'll shoot ALL yer gutz out thru yer fuckin' dick.






FOODZ TO EAT:


pumpkin seedz (da dried/roasted variety)

red chilli pepperz

curry

beef (medium-rare)

raw oysterz

green beanz

tomatoez

asparaguz

lycheez (1 single lychee containz 60x more vitamin C than an orange)

advacadoz

papaya

coconut milk

shrimp

raw eggz

fig barz

cheeze

magnesium/zinc tabletz

Gatorade (orange flavor)

V-8 (givez U da shitz)

Red Bull or Rockstar

beer (optional)



THINGZ TO DO:


kegelz (50-100 repz per set)

cardiovascular werkoutz (runnin'/bikin'/swimmin'/ect)

git at least 10 hourz 'o sleep everyday

practice holdin' yer breath fer 15 minutez or more

hyperventillation

hold out from havin' sex fer several dayz or more (every 2 dayz equalz 1 level stored up; 10 dayz = level 5)

indulge in yer fevorite pornz, hentaiz, 'n fuckbookz all day long

think 'bout fuckin' yer female relativez motherz/sisterz/couzins (incest iz best)

go to a HOT spa or steamroom

play excitment-inducin' videogamez such as fighterz, shooterz, 'n sportz gamez

dun eat too much starchy foodz like bread, potatoez or raice cuz dat shit'll slow ya down durin' sex.

tie a rubberband or cockring 'round da base 'o yer cock

stuff a buttplug up yer asshole

wear tight-ass underwear

take a HOT shower prior to sex

drink lotz 'o ice-cold water prior to sex

take a shit prior to sex

smoke some weed (optional)

uze a dick-pump (optional)

wear nutterz (optional)

rub HOT, burnin' oilz on yer dick (optional)

put on some gay trance muzik

have sex befer 10:00AM (peak-period fer sperm production)

da best time to do it iz between da middle 'o winter 'n da beginnin' 'o spring

masturbate 'til ya almost cum, but DO NOT cum; then stop 'n repeat

fuck/jack 'til yer juss 'bout to explode, then hold it in wit all yer maight fer as long as possible

Upon climax, take in a really deep breath (hold it in), push down really hard on yer pubic region (or have yer partner juss sit onnit), curl yer toez inwerd, flex yer lower abdomen musclez, then bang yer head back 'n ferth really fast, pluz kick yer feet like a stallion when U cum, while cryin' bloody muder 'n proclaimin' "YEEEAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!"

when U git to da point 'o nearly passin'-out, or if yer cum feelz like it wantz to crawl back inside yer dick, then dat meanz U juss had some really GOOD FUCKIN' SEX

be shure to count yer # 'o cumshotz

[Otomo Tenzi]

Utilz, pleaze tag dis thread... :shy2:

[Utils]

That would require me reading it and finding an appropriate tag for it.

[Otomo Tenzi]

OK, but DO NOT ovar-charge more than 40 dayz (level 20 max) or elze ya maight blow a 'head' gasket or somethin'... :shy2:



...Also, if ya experience deep bodily itchez all ovar yerself raight after havin' sex or jackin' off; it could be a sign 'o advanced liver damage.



And be careful 'o AIDS, mang...